Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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