Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
