he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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