All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
