He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
