bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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