ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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