Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
