He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
