Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
