i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
