Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
