I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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