I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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