i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
