3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
