How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
