Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
