either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
