I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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