i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
