I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
