Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
