somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
