Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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