Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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