you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
