in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
