member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She bit a glass in half.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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