i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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