life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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