Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
