Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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