ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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