Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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