remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
