either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
