I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
