it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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