First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
