There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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