OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
