I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have fence marks all over my body
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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