it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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