Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
