like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
