you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
