one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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