i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
