Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
